God, guard my heart and calm my anxious heart - Asking God for the gift of living for today!

 Today I want to talk about how I am learning to guard my heart and calm my anxious thoughts. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=efs201uHR8c (20 minute testimony - from all addictions recovery meeting held August 9, 2023 - Ashes to Rubies - Life Lab)

In 2004, shortly after I came to a personal relationship with Jesus, God revealed to me the  first scripture that  would help me with anxious thinking, worry and fear. Matthew 6:25-34 repeatedly tells us not to worry; as I trust God for my life I can trust in Him to provide for every detail of my life. There is a hidden gem in the midst of all these worries - it can be found in verse 33 - seek first the kingdom of God and all these things will be added unto you. Yet for years I focused primarily on verse 34. I memorized it, spoke it outloud, repeated it in prayer and tried to transform my thoughts - it was exhausting and all I gained at the time was more knowledge, not the peace of mind I was so desperately seeking.

25 “That is why I tell you not to worry about everyday life—whether you have enough food and drink, or enough clothes to wear. Isn’t life more than food, and your body more than clothing? 26 Look at the birds. They don’t plant or harvest or store food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren’t you far more valuable to him than they are? 27 Can all your worries add a single moment to your life?

28 “And why worry about your clothing? Look at the lilies of the field and how they grow. They don’t work or make their clothing, 29 yet Solomon in all his glory was not dressed as beautifully as they are. 30 And if God cares so wonderfully for wildflowers that are here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, he will certainly care for you. Why do you have so little faith?

31 “So don’t worry about these things, saying, ‘What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear?’ 32 These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs. 33 Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.

34 “So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.

Fast forward to April 2013 this is the year my world and I came undone, and I stopped denying the depression that held me captive. – after several years in the same job, I found myself without, as the result of a reorganization. After 6 weeks without sleep accompanied with 24/7 intrusive and pervasive thinking, I finally conceded that my current state was not solely due to loss of employment but possibly the sign of something greater. Asking for help and admitting my suffering was challenging.

In addition to prescribed medication for depression, I began the daily practice of mindful meditation through my ever-growing faith in God instead of my self-reliance. It is that hope that pushed me to remove the covers over my darkness, get out of bed and get into the business of living life – it built me up and encouraged me to Seek God first and surrender my worry, anxiety, and fears – then slowly but surely my restoration began. 

Where I used to fear, I pause and consider if the threat is real or learned.

Where I used to worry, I pray and ask myself what would be the worst case scenario. And if I am ok with it I can move on to the next thought.

Where I used to criticize, I create. No longer using my time as an artist as a reward but as an act of worship.

Where I used to judge, I motivate. I have been called to LOVE abundantly and time and time again I am choosing to lead others to victory through encouragement, edification and exhortation.

Thankfully I can counter worry with 365 scriptures - one for each day about “fear not” “do not fear” “do not be afraid.” While these verses are direct in saying to “not fear” - I recognize that “trust the Lord '' or “trust in the Lord” also implies not to worry and/or fear. In essence, the whole Bible is full of scripture that demonstrates evidence/proof of God’s care for me - It provides reminders of God’s love and faithfulness - and I can trust that  if he did it before-He will do it again.

If I want to anchor my faith I need to be willing to Trust in God and follow Jesus.

Did you know that the average person thinks over 67,000 thoughts a day and thinking is to create so if I don’t manage my thoughts one thought can easily trigger another thought and my mind cascades into a spiral of intrusive thinking and before I know it, I speak and act out of a place of doubt (anxiety), insecurity, and fear. 

You may be wondering how I learned to manage my thoughts actively and consciously?

It was a progressive learning curve that began with prayer and meditation and evolved into the search for opportunities for growth (relational, emotional, mental and spiritual).

1) meditate and pray with scriptures such as:

• I was not given the spirit of fear, but of power, love, and a sound mind.

• Create in me a pure heart and renew in me a firm spirit.

It was in these promises that I learned that the opposite of fear is not faith or peace, but unconditional love from God, for God and for and from one another. This precipitated a transformation of my obsessive thoughts. 

• When insecurity, doubt and anxiety begin to show up I rely on meditation from Philippians 4:6-9 or take a 5 minute pause using the https://www.pauseapp.com/.

6 Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. 7 Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.

8 And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. 9 Keep putting into practice all you learned and received from me—everything you heard from me and saw me doing. Then the God of peace will be with you.

2) resist, redirect and renew my thoughts by expressing my gratitude in all circumstances, finding healthy ways to distract myself, and turning to solving a different problem. When an intrusive thought enters my mind, I visualize a stop sign and take my thought captive in my hands, throw it on the ground and stomp it with my feet.

3) I have a positive and unconditional regard for others; show love regularly, share my heart with others, be an encouragement, smile, give of myself and watch as the answers come to them.

4) When a change occurs that can cause stress, I recognize it, I accept it, I adapt, and I adjust as necessary by choosing to look at growth opportunities rather than negative challenges. Focus on what is instead of what could be - through therapy I learned and practiced changing the narrative of my story (belief) writing 5 other stories which remind me of my identity in God and block the lies the enemy has had me believing for too long.

5) Express gratitude: Psalm 56:3-4; Isaiah 43:19; Romans 8:38, 39

Chantale

May you be richly blessed, highly favored and deeply loved.

Create a great day and live a better life in the arms of your Creator!

PS - There is nothing I embrace more than God's faithfulness. I am forever amazed every time He connects His Word to my life! Matthew 6:33 is the first promise I stood on and continue to stand on as I am working on recovery. Tonight, as I was preparing to publish this post, He reminded me of the first Christian artist and songs I clung to in in a very difficult season almost 20 years ago - before I knew Jesus "you told me not to worry" Living for today - Natalie Grant. 

God's faithfulness has stood the test of time, carrying me through the hills and the valleys, sorrow and joy, chaos and peace. I give Him all my praises! I honor Him in worship and continue to express gratitude because He chose me. He waited patiently for me to turn to Him. For me to seek His love and receive forgiveness. His word tells me to delight in Him and He will give me the desires of my heart. That in itself is a beautiful promise, yet how much greater is God to me that my desires become His will for my life! Amen!

Be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD

 

I can wait on the Lord by trusting him!

I can wait on the Lord by seeking him!

I can wait on the Lord through prayer!

While I wait on the Lord I dig deeper into His word, seek His intimate presence, worship Him and give Him all my praises.

No matter how anxious I may feel or how uncomfortable it may get I am trusting God by obeying the word he gave me for 2023 and reminded me of yesterday - (Psalm 27:13-14) Chantale you can believe that you shall look upon the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living! Chantale wait for the LORD; be strong, and let (allow and accept) your heart take courage; wait for the Lord.

God is so faithful. I love the way he connects the dots between his word

and my life. This year’s word started with a prayer to be still and know God. Sometimes during my recovery zoom meetings I color, but this time I reached for a different box of pencils and imagine my surprise when I saw this and read the scripture confirming my posture for 2023: Wait! 

In the dictionary, the definition for wait is  to delay action until a particular time or event.

In God’s kingdom wait translates to trust. Trust is the action I take because of faith.

Faith is defined as “the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen”

(Hebrews 11:1).

Faith involves trusting in something I cannot prove. Faith is inseparable from trust;

it’s the confidence/ hope I have that God can and will do what He says in His Word. 

Waiting for God is not easy. Often it seems that he isn’t answering then I

get fearful and go about figuring it out instead of trusting and hoping in him.

Ann Voskamp says: Waiting isn’t passive — waiting is passion: waiting is loving long

enough to suffer. Waiting is the patience of the long suffering of letting go.

Letting go of the plan, the dream, the map, the vision. Letting the ground of things,

the things that you made your ground, letting them give way.

Waiting is a letting go to let something grow.

https://annvoskamp.com/2022/09/essential-secrets-to-how-to-wait-well/

Got questions . org helped me to better understand what it means to wait

on the Lord. And what if anything I could do to maintain that posture.

“Patient, confident trust in the Lord is the central idea of the exhortation to wait on the Lord.”

“Waiting on the Lord involves the confident expectation of a positive result

in which we place a great hope. This expectation is based on knowledge of

and trust in God. Those who do not know the Lord will not wait on Him;

neither will those who fail to trust Him.”

Through patient, courageous, active trusting, seeking, and prayer,

I am obediently learning to wait on the Lord.

https://www.gotquestions.org/wait-on-the-Lord.html

While I wait on the Lord I dig deeper into His word, seek His intimate presence,

worship Him and give Him all my praises.

Chantale,

Create a great day and live a better life for God's glory!

Out at sea - without a care in the world

The closer I get to nature, the closer I get to God. His creation is awe inspiring, majestic and crushes any doubt one may have about His existence and control over all the earth.

There is nothing my soul craves more than to experience the presence of God in the ordinary things of day to day life. The first time I felt the touch of God’s Spirit upon me was during an early morning walk along the shore of the ocean. It was quiet and I was reflecting on the truth of God’s word  and the weight of His promises. In prayer and meditation I asked God to touch me in a tangible way. Next, I felt the wind rolling in from the waves and blushing my cheeks with the breath of God’s Spirit.

As I write this, I am coming in from taking a Recovery Zoom Room meeting with a small group from the Ottawa area which I took from the porch of Sean’s uncle’s house in Cap d’Espoir, 15 minutes from the Rocher Perce. Once again, He has used the breeze to blush my cheeks and filled the yard with dancing trees. I cannot help but want to praise God! In His majesty and sovereignty he continues to  reach down from heaven to remind me that He is near - as near as my next breath and that He will meet all my needs because I am His.

What a wonderful time we had catching up with family and witnessing God’s magnificent creation at every turn.  The majestic scenery of the Perce rock and capes filled my heart and left me breathless. My heart swells with every memory - memories that I will hold dear because they remind me of the importance of perseverance in life and in my faith.

On the day we took the boat to tour Perce rock and Bonaventure island the fog was so thick that, from the shore, within a matter of minutes, we saw the Perce rock “disappear” from our line of sight. WOW! Once we boarded the boat, and set out to sea I experienced the power of water (a blog on this at another time) and the perseverance of wildlife in a habitat that, while foreign to me, has been the home to Atlantic puffins since 1758.

They are a strong bird, able to withstand all weather conditions, loyal to their mate and loving parents. Risk takers and explorers, to watch them fly between the rocks, scuttle from oncoming boats and run along the top of the waters to get airborne, they are true adventurers. They embody everything good and are passionate, loyal and helpful.¬Teresa Dawe (Hamilton, ON)

Although they are only 25 cm in height, puffins are fabulous flyers, flapping their wings up to 400 times a minute and speeding through the air at up to 88 km an hour. Even though I could not capture their flight in pictures it was amazing to watch them go and move about so easily despite the crushing waves. But what inspired me most is their ability to rest on the waves despite their surroundings and circumstances. Puffins spend ⅔ of their life on the sea- without a care in the world. Meaning they have no worries at all. 

Human beings on the other hand, are anxious over worldly cares with deceptive hopes and promises of riches and happiness. This causes us to abandon the great concern of our souls and seek in its place worldly things. 

Despite God’s word in Matthew 6:25-34  which repeatedly tells us not to worry I have been guilty of hyper-focus on worry - unable to cast my cares on God I chose to stress and obsess. Meaning I did not believe, have faith or trust in God to provide what is necessary for my health, welfare, maintenance, and protection.

After many delays and difficulties in attaining what I believed was needed for a personal relationship with God I heeded Paul’s word to Timothy - But you, Timothy, are a man of God; so run from all these worldly things. Pursue righteousness and a godly life, along with faith, love, perseverance, and gentleness. 1 Timothy 6:11 (NLT)

Furthermore, I realized and accepted that It’s impossible to please God apart from faith. And why? Because anyone who wants to approach God must believe both that he exists and that he cares enough to respond to those who seek him. Hebrews 11:6 (MSG)

Lastly, because I was tired of experiencing resistance to people, places and circumstances I chose to humble myself, relinquish my illusion of control and surrender to the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt me, casting all my worries on him, because I believe and trust that God cares for me as he cares for you also. 1 Peter 5:6-7 (emphasis added is mine)

May you be richly blessed, highly favored and deeply loved today and always.

Chantale

Create a great day and live a better life in God!

#MyStory #WorkplaceMentalHealthAwareness: My story, to God be the glory!

         For 10 years now I have been living with depression and anxiety. I have a strong work ethic

 and am a high functioning type A person both in my professional and personal life. The reason I

mention this is because for years my outward behavior and attitude didn’t match my feelings or 

my thoughts. I learned to cope with this internal negative chatter by focusing on my performance, 

approval seeking and ultimately perfecting perfectionism - setting unrealistic expectations and 

refusing to accept anything less than perfection from myself and others.

April 2023 marked the 10th anniversary of the day my world and I came undone, and I stopped denying the depression that held me captive. – after several years in the same job, I found myself without, as the result of a reorganization. After 6 weeks without sleep accompanied with 24/7 intrusive and pervasive thinking, I finally conceded that my current state was not solely due to loss of employment or burn out but possibly the sign of something greater. Asking for help and admitting my suffering was challenging.

In addition to prescribed medication for insomnia, depression, and anxiety I began the daily practice of mindful meditation through my ever-growing faith in God instead of my self-reliance. It is that hope that pushed me to remove the covers over my darkness, get out of bed and get into the business of living life – it built me up and encouraged me to surrender my worry, anxiety, and fears – then slowly but surely my restoration began.

Where I used to fear, I pause.

Where I used to worry, I pray.

Where I used to criticize, I create.

Where I used to judge, I motivate.

           In 2018, after leaving the private sector, and being new to the public service I completed much training. Mandatory training, job-specific training, and mental health training. Some of which directly impacted the trajectory of my life.

The Working Mind half day training organized by TBS and facilitated by the Mental Health Commission of Canada opened my eyes to resources I could use to promote awareness, reduce stigma, and increase my resilience. That day, for the first time, I used the mental health continuum model to self-assess the state of my mental health. As a result, I contacted EAP, met with my family doctor and together my manager and I set out a plan of action that would optimize my mental state and allow me to function well on and off the job. I strongly encourage this training and if, like me, you have lived experience with mental health encourage you to participate regularly because the best learning opportunities come from people like you and I who are living proof that we can thrive despite any mental health challenges. Check it out at theworkingmind.ca or complete  a  Continuum Self Check.

Since then, I have become a strong advocate for mental health in the workplace and am a certified Mental Health First Aid responder. If you are interested in knowing more, please reach out to me at chantale.davis@tbs-sct.gc.ca .

I will never live the perfect life, but I can confidently say that I am living my best life. And I am here to assure you, as living proof, that this life is possible despite living with depression and anxiety.

If you take away nothing else from my story, please remember these things; perfection is the enemy of good, it’s okay to ask for help and you are not alone.

 

Chantale Davis

Create a great day and live a better life!

My Lighthouse

Oh what a ride it's been! As I sit to write this I realize that it is 3 years almost to the day since the whole world went on lock down due to a global pandemic.

Oh what a ride it's been! My relationships have been tested, my faith has been strengthened, and my recovery epic! I am not the woman I used to be.

Oh what a ride it's been! Through stress, worry, anxiety, grief and insecurity, I have drawn on God's WORD. I have come alive to imitate Jesus and abide in God whose Spirit dwells in my heart.

There is no greater joy than the realization that despite my imperfections God affirms me as his child. When I trust and obey I get to experience and discern His promises for myself and for others. I am called to love (Lead Others to Victory through Encouragement) abundantly. 

Oh what a ride it's been! Despite the blessing of witnessing how God moves in my life and in other peoples lives, there is no greater miracle than the transformation he is working in and through me every single day.

Where I used to fear, I pause.

Where I used to worry, I pray.

Where I used to criticize, I create.

Where I used to manipulate, I motivate.

Where I used pride, I magnify God.

One Friday night (at Heart Conference) in a moment of powerful worship and intimacy I was invited to walk along the shore towards a grassy hill with my lighthouse resting at the edge of the peninsula. Over and over my heart repeated the words "my lighthouse". Often God has connected the dots between my life and His word but I admit, at first, I did not see the thread of hope He was weaving until it settled in my heart.

Earlier that night, the Pastor shared Jacob's story with us:

During the night Jacob got up and took his two wives, his two servant wives, and his eleven sons and crossed the Jabbok River with them. After taking them to the other side, he sent over all his possessions. This left Jacob all alone in the camp, and a man came and wrestled with him until the dawn began to break.When the man saw that he would not win the match, he touched Jacob’s hip and wrenched it out of its socket.Then the man said, “Let me go, for the dawn is breaking!” But Jacob said, “I will not let you go unless you bless me.” “What is your name?” the man asked. He replied, “Jacob.” “Your name will no longer be Jacob,” the man told him. “From now on you will be called Israel, because you have fought with God and with men and have won.” “Please tell me your name,” Jacob said. “Why do you want to know my name?” the man replied. Then he blessed Jacob there. Jacob named the place Peniel (which means “face of God”), for he said, “I have seen God face to face, yet my life has been spared.” The sun was rising as Jacob left Peniel, and he was limping because of the injury to his hip. Genesis 32:22 - 31

Oh what a ride it's been! To know Jacob’s story is to know his life was a never-ending struggle. Alone in the desert wilderness, Jacob had the ultimate restless night; he wrestled with God until daybreak. 

Almost certainly everyone who reads this will identify with Jacob. I know I do. Struggles impact my life on a daily basis whether it be the loss of a loved one, a chronic migraine, or the angst of an unresolved situation. The only difference I have come to realize for myself is that I am never alone in my wilderness. God is my everlasting hope; my lighthouse.

In my wrestling and in my doubts In my failures You won't walk out Your great love will lead me through You are the peace in my troubled sea In the silence, You won't let go In the questions, Your truth will hold My lighthouse, my lighthouse Shining in the darkness I will follow You My lighthouse, my lighthouse I will trust the promise You will carry me safe to shore. You tube video for My Lighthouse

Here's a picture of the lighthouse I received for free from my buy nothing marketplace. The giver asked if those interested could share why they were interested so I shared my faith and this song. God is faithful in all things big or small. Every good gift comes from above. I use it as a reminder of who God is to me. Who is God to you? I look forward to reading your comments.

May you be richly blessed, highly favored and deeply loved today and all days!

From there to here...100 days sober!!

“Addiction and  codependency are defined as an unhealthy reliance on

the control of exterior things in order to fill interior needs.”*

“We shall be restored to sanity as we turn away from codependent engagement with the flesh and turn toward the revitalizing source of the Spirit.” *

*stolen quotes from Serenity - A Companion for Twelve Step Recovery (pg 139)

From the time of my first babysitting job, I decided that if people couldn’t fill my needs, I would meet my own needs to shore up my self-esteem and my ability to spend my own money the way I wanted. This manifested as buying something new with every pay cheque and has progressed, over many years, into a spending compulsion which not only fed me physically (eating out, lattes, sugary treats) but emotionally, mentally and spiritually. I learned to create a rush of well being (spike in dopamine) and numbing (escaping) pain and hurts without succumbing to drugs or alcohol (prideful much!).

 

I tried everything to quit; spending plans instead of budgets, cash envelopes instead of debit, gift cards instead of credit cards; yet, with online shopping I found myself scrolling for an endless amount of time looking for the best deal. All while robbing Peter to pay Paul; paying down minimum amounts only to spend it all again! (truth be told I was numbing pain and hurts)

In December 2020, I did the math which woke me up to the extensive damage of this compulsive habit;

I was spending on average $50/day which translated to over $15,000/year!

I was spending on average 60 minutes/day scrolling for the best deals which translated to 365 hours/ year!

And more if I counted social media like facebook which enticed and tempted me with the best new thing to fix all my problems which translated to spending an additional 600 hours/year!

I also spent countless hours mentally obsessing over adjustments required to the spending plan and despite it all here I was with tens of thousands of dollars of debt. With such an insurmountable amount of debt came the belief that I would never be free from it so my mindset was “oh, well! This is impossible! Another few hundred dollars won’t change it so why not buy it anyway.” 

WOW!! Imagine what I could have done with $150,000 over the past decade instead all I had to show for it, was stress, angst, shame and frustration. Oh and many things that I neither wanted or needed including gift giving (buying tea cups on sale from my favorite provider to get free shipping, the best deal and gifts to give away - win-win right?), subscriptions for music, kindle, audible, streaming, eating and exercising not to mention all the clothes and yarn or other craft supplies a girl could ever want or need.

 

Don’t be fooled by society’s mindset, not all people are addicted to shopping online and spending extravagantly. Stop believing that it is okay to buy on credit and spend beyond your means. Like anything else, if taken to extremes it can ruin you.

Perhaps my experience has left you wondering how to manage your own spending compulsions. Or perhaps you are curious to know how I have managed to overcome this compulsion all the while recognizing that spending is a part of day to day life.

First came the wake up call which shook me out of denial.

Then I admitted to God, myself and my husband that I was powerless over this compulsion and asked if we could work together to put boundaries in place to help me overcome and be accountable! 

I have had a few failed attempts before reaching this milestone. I held back for a bit due to buying Christmas gifts and any good deal that caught my eye. Then on 2 occasions I barely reached over the 21 day mark as a result of giving in to the need to numb emotional hurts and pains. 

I am grateful for these relapses because they have caused me to take my compulsion and recovery from it seriously.

Because I have all this time on my hands, I am creating new and better habits which serve me well in every area of my life. Leaving the past behind me, the future ahead, and the present focused on grace, growth and gratitude through faith, meditation/prayer, 12 step recovery meetings and a circle of friends that keep me honest, accountable and loving well (more on that later). 

I am also grateful for the pandemic! Yes, the pandemic, because in my day to day spending it has made it easier to stay away from non-essential purchases. I have guarded myself from all inclusive stores like Wal-mart, Giant Tiger, and Canadian Tire by choosing to order my groceries for pick up or shopping with a local grocer. My online shopping has been limited to needs and my husband and I will browse through fb marketplace before deciding to purchase new elsewhere.

Today marks my 100 days sober milestone! To God alone be the glory! Thanks to HIM, I am learning to live life satisfied, sustained and sane.

Battlefield of the mind - dealing with should statements

Last week I discovered another mind trap that has kept me stuck in a self-defeating mindset as a result of thinking "I should or I should not".

I have since recognised that these should thoughts are arbitrary standards that I have set to unnecessarily criticise myself, others or the world. Some examples of this type of thoughts are as follows;

"I should have seen that coming."

"I should have done that differently."

"I shouldn't feel this way."

"He should treat me with more respect."

I have been most guilty of criticising myself particularly when trying to speak about my feelings.  When asked how I feel I often respond with a simple "fine" or "good" because my default thinking and looped script tells me "I shouldn't feel". As far back as I can remember, I have tried to be invisible to others by being good and as a result have tucked away and numbed my emotions to the degree that it has become difficult to regulate and express genuine positive emotions. 

Negative emotions on the other hand, have been easily expressed and poorly regulated. Emotions like, irritability, anger, jealousy; emotions that have trapped me in sarcastic, criticising or judging behaviors with myself and others. As a result of these scripts I have come to many dead ends. Thankfully, once I become aware of a dead end, I am quicker to make a U-turn which allows me to break the old default thinking pattern.

I know it will take time and practice/discipline however, by living in the present rather than in my head I can more easily name the emotion - validate it - release it and let go; moving on to what's next.

Finally, I am beginning to personally grasp what the bible says about renewing your mind.

And so, dear brothers and sisters,[a] I plead with you to give your bodies to God because of all he has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice—the kind he will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship him.[b] Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect. Romans 12:1-2.

Prayer: May God bless you with wisdom and clear discernment to choose loving behaviors. In Jesus' name. Amen

Sources: Cognitive distortions - when your brain lies to you ; bible and life experience.