In a God
ordained moment, we connected through Christian Mingle. It was my last attempt
at using this tool to meet a good Christian man and Sean’s first attempt, as
recommended by one of his mentor’s, to expand his horizons. After all, “a date
is but a place and time where two people agree to meet, nothing more, nothing
less.”
I was a
little apprehensive because I had been divorced for 10 years and was finally
ready to close that chapter of my life and move on to the next chapter. Sean’s
profile seemed too good to be true except for the fact that it said he was only
5’6”, in the end I sent him a smile. Sean was also apprehensive when he viewed
my profile, he thought that he didn’t have a chance and that I was out of his
league (we can see now that God has a sense of humor and a purpose for our
connection).
Once we had
connected but before we went out on a “date” our apprehensions subsided. We
were able to connect authentically and share our faith and our struggles
without fear of judgment. We each had a renewed hope for a Godly covenant
relationship. Our first date went from coffee to dinner to an awkward hand
shake – it was a glorious unfolding!
As the
romance continued to unfold and we got to know each other better it was clear
that we would get married. We joked about engagement rings and their value, I
was practical and he was romantic (or what I would later start calling
“sappy”).
Sean has a
genuine character and if he loves you, the whole world will know it (particular
thanks to Facebook noted). In July, 2014, during our first extended time apart
and only a few short months after our first date, he texted me while I was at
Algonquin Park to refresh his memory about our discussion on engagement rings. Odd,
I thought, this could wait until I was back home from my family vacation? Then
upon my return, he was eager to get together…finally on the Tuesday evening we
met face to face – he wasn’t himself – to this day, I can’t describe it but he
definitely was acting like himself! We were in the east end of town visiting
some friends and he insisted that before I go home we head out to the west end
of town so I hesitantly obliged – I told my girlfriend that he was acting oddly
and that I believed he was going to propose – she joked and said two things;
“Call me if he does and if he doesn’t please promise you won’t get angry with
him.” Long story short we went out to Andrew Hayden Park after stopping by his
house in Kanata (minor detour) and although it was dusk and the mosquitoes were
bothersome, he got down on one knee and asked me to spend my life with him and
marry him to which I said yes – it was a glorious unfolding!
In the
meantime, I had begun to notice that something wasn’t quite right with Sean’s
digestive health. First of all, I am the observant type. Secondly, I have
personal experience with digestive issues. And, finally, I have over 9 years of
experience working with cancer patients and researchers. When Sean describe his
symptoms to me, I quickly prompted him to get checked, his family doctor
promptly referred him for a colonoscopy and within eight weeks, we knew almost
beyond the shadow of a doubt that Sean had a stage 2 tumor in his colon/rectum
that was the size of a grapefruit. Treatment was inevitable!
On September
30th, 2014, following the doctor’s assessment of Sean’s colonoscopy
and hearing the words “I am 99% sure that it is a cancerous tumor”, we held
each other close and cried. Sean blamed himself and I felt helpless yet when we
recovered I expressed that “no matter how silly or out of place it sounds, I am
ready to marry you now.” – it was a glorious unfolding!
The next few
weeks were a blur and by God’s grace we held it together! Much healing and many
miracles took place! Most of which could only be orchestrated because Sean now
had cancer! First, he had an opportunity to reconcile with his son Matthew.
Second, he had an opportunity to gain closure from his first marriage. Third,
he was accepted into a clinical trial which would not involve radiation
therefore he would not be required to trek to the hospital each day for 28 days
for treatment. Finally, we were able to plan our wedding at the Stonebridge
Golf Club (formerly his grandfather’s family farm) within a few weeks and over
125 people joined us in the celebration. And we were gifted with a beautiful
honeymoon in Mont-Tremblant! – it was a glorious unfolding!
Days
following our return, Sean started his first round of chemotherapy! Some days
were harder than others yet he never missed a church service or an opportunity
to help out or comfort a friend! I held on to the belief that this was just a
bump in the road and that God would not bring me to Sean only to have him taken
away from me so soon! Because of my job there were many times when I couldn’t
accompany him to treatment yet I wanted him to know that I was there in spirit
and gave him a heart shaped nail lapel pin which I also encouraged him to share
with others – it served as a reminder of love and greater faith in God. Every
last one of those lapel pins has been handed out and I believe that it has had
a ripple effect on the lives of others – it was a glorious unfolding!
I will spare
you the other details of Sean’s cancer journey except to say that with
treatment the tumor shrunk 67%, was successfully removed and the reconnection
surgery was completed in October 2015. He has been back to work full-time since
January 2016. Throughout this time Sean has been nothing but positive,
encouraging others to get checked and a testimony of faith to all he meets. He
would be more than happy to speak to anyone about his experience. (jabez6670@gmail.com)
Being a
cancer patient also has a profound impact on the caregiver. Only since January
am I learning to be a wife instead of a caregiver with responses coming more
from love than caring – although the two go hand in hand we respond differently
when we are caring for someone’s body and health (life and death) versus loving
them day to day. In the first year, I was mindful of Sean’s stress level,
physical activity and nutrition and while I still harp on him about his
nutrition I need to remind myself that he is no longer the patient who needs to
be doted on an protected therefore I am learning to be more loving and allowing
him to be more responsible for his choices thus making me a better wife – it is
a glorious unfolding!
As a result
of being a caregiver I believe that I experienced some delayed responses to
this stress which is now manifesting itself in my own physical and mental well
being. Despite doing all the right things and taking the right medications I
have reached a point in my journey where a reset is required – my struggles
with heart palpitations, hormonal fluctuations and generalized anxiety are affecting
my ability to function productively and effectively.
This week at
the cottage has been a most welcome change, an opportunity to reset and reflect
on what is important to us. A time to rest and rediscover what it is to be
husband and wife instead of patient and caregiver. A time to explore our dreams
and forge ahead in our plans for the future. – it is a glorious unfolding!
It marks the
end of a tumultuous season which would have been impossible to overcome were it
not for our faith in our loving God, supportive family, encouraging friends and
a multitude of prayers.
With
grateful hearts, prayers and in the spirit of friendship, thank you for your
generosity, hospitality and kindness. Your cottage has been a great blessing to
Sean and I. As we go from here and explore our dreams please know that you have
touched our hearts and impacted our lives – it is a glorious unfolding!
