Building Spiritual Resilience - Lessons in Letting Go

If my past is any indication of my ability to turn things over to God and leave the results to Him. Then, as long as I am breathing, surrender may continue to be a struggle. Thankfully, God loves me enough not to leave me as I am or once was.

Paul’s moment of surrender occurred on the Damascus road after he was knocked down by blinding light. For others, less drastic methods are needed. Regardless, surrendering is never just a one-time event. As Paul said in 1 Corinthians 15:31  I die every day—I mean that, brothers—just as surely as I glory over you in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Years ago, most days, when I couldn’t surrender, I simply prayed for God to make me willing to be willing. While less than an ideal form of letting go and letting God, it introduced me to the practice of surrender, which is moment by moment and lifelong.

It is as important as a road to Damascus experience because for someone like me who lives with depression and anxiety it is critical to be present with God instead of dwelling in the past or being anxious about the future. Also, it helps me to differentiate my wants from my needs.As Jesus said in Matthew 16:24 If people want to follow me, they must give up the things they want. They must be willing even to give up their lives to follow me.

Following my divorce, I returned to work full-time and quickly realized that I needed to release the things that were outside of my control if I wanted to survive let alone succeed. But I had a hard time delegating, or even wanting to delegate, because at the time (2008) I justified my existence through my hard work, and equated success with struggle; I equated results with struggle. And so I sort of wore my struggles like a badge of honor. And all of that was the opposite of trusting God & allowing Him to be in control.

I came to realize that the standards and expectations I set for myself were unreasonable. Through God's grace I embarked on a journey which gave me permission to give myself a break, lighten up, be easier and go slower. Take it easy, have more fun. Love myself more, laugh more, appreciate more and accept that mistakes were OK and that when it came to my to-do list I would never get it all done and tomorrow was another day.

The bible tells us in Matthew 6:34 Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.

Then in 2012, on a hike to Saratoga Springs, God prompted me to pick up a bit of nature that represented the fear, worry and anxiety that weighed me down and held me back. I carried that branch with all its thorny twigs to the highest point of Saratoga Springs and released it over the edge letting it go once and for all. Yet here I am now, over a decade later still struggling, to a much lesser degree, with the thorns of distorted thinking, discouragement and disappointment. 

Again, in 2013, in an act of faith and obedience, I held fear, worry and anxiety in one hand and God’s word in the other while I walked through the baptisms of water. 

Three days later, my world and I came undone, and I stopped denying the depression that held me captive. – After almost 10 years in the same job, I found myself without, as the result of a reorganization. During this time, I desperately searched for God through whichever means I could find. Most days I could barely utter a simple prayer like “Jesus help me” let alone read, write and memorize scriptures and confusion would set in – I was stuck in a downward spiral. Then I came across mindful worship – Thank you God! This audible meditation on Lamentations 3:21-26 repeated over and over “His mercies are new every morning” it gave me hope - pushing me to remove the covers over my darkness, get out of bed and get into the business of living life– it built me up and encouraged me to reach for God’s new mercies. In an attempt to  surrender I released my worry, anxiety and fears to God and He began to restore me. I began to hope again particularly when I remembered: The faithful love of God never ends! His mercies never cease. Great is his faithfulness; His mercies begin afresh each morning.

In 2017, at a women’s event, I shared how the saying “Let go and let God” still drove me crazy. It was easier said than done. No sooner would I let something go than it was back causing havoc with rumination, fear, worry, anxiety and depression. Finally, I came to realize that if I could trust a stranger to stay on his side of the road while driving, how much more could I trust my God, the King of the World, to take care of me.  Once I opened my heart to the redemptive power of God’s love, He started to transform my fears into faith – fashioning an unshakeable assurance in His promises. With the revelation that God is about relationship not rules and progress not perfection, I willingly started giving my cares to Him. Trusting Him completely – This saved me much, worry, anxiety, and wasted time trying to figure things out for myself. As in Zephaniah 3:17 “with His love, he calms my fears.”

Then 2020, God reached into my brokenness and began to heal trauma from my past. I was reconciled to my younger self and my heart was open to receive all that God had for me - forgiveness, acceptance, unconditional love - I began to experience freedom from crippled emotions and self-loathing and was filled with self-compassion - without self criticism or judgment I was able to let my guard down, be open, honest and willing to ask and accept help, to  trust God and others, and to relinquish control and surrender.

I have been on a journey which is moving me from knowledge toward understanding and application of God’s truth and promises. Because I choose to trust in God, trust in the journey and trust in myself I am no longer consumed by worry and fear. But for God this would not have been possible. I am a lifelong learner ready to let go and grow - I will never live the perfect life but I can confidently say that I am living my best life. God didn’t wait until I was fixed to walk alongside me and he will meet you where you are when you surrender yourself and your heart to His will, love and mercy.

Because I know there is no longer anything to fear and trust that God will carry me through, I am willing to live one day at a time and make the best use of what time I am given. For me that includes working a 12 step program, 2 way prayer, meditation, and worship.  Despite not doing it consistently, I am committed to read the word daily, pray the word, seek the word expectantly and live the word joyfully.

PS - 2024 has been a real test of my ability to let go and let God. I have been on a leave of absence from work since January. Although it was precipitated by a mental health condition, it has also manifested as pain in my physical body. Currently, my medical team and I are managing, treating or exploring treatments for migraines, pulmonary functions, sleep apnea and kidney stones. Believe me when I say everyone of my struggles has been given to God - I don’t even know when I will be able to get back to work. So I created a “give it to God box” which I can plainly see as I write down my fears, worries and anxieties and turn them over to my Lord.

On August 2nd, I will be undergoing a 4th medical intervention for this stubborn kidney stone - it just won't let go and has gravity working in its favor! That’s okay because I do let go and I have God working in my favor! This is the nudge in the Spirit that prompted me to pen this post. I hope it encourages you - we may not see how much we have grown but God does.

Chantale,

Child of God, open to love and be loved because of God’s unfailing love

Building Mental Resilience - a lesson in humility

Yesterday, I told my husband that I wasn’t sure what was more enjoyable and satisfying when working with Lego Blocks - the nostalgia of my childhood, sorting and organizing blocks, completing a set or simply following step by step instructions which keep me focused and alleviate overthinking. 

I have long held the belief that #creativity is my therapy. I know that creative projects keep me in touch with the present (mindful), help me to focus and concentrate, and are a means to worship and honor God. 

In an article by Well+Good, psychotherapist Melissa Lapides expresses the benefits of using Lego to reduce stress and anxiety. She says: “When you’re focusing on creating something, you’re pointing your mind in the direction of what you’re creating. This doesn’t leave room for unwanted thoughts to penetrate your brain.” She goes on to explain that the hand-eye coordination required for this creative pursuit helps to induce the brain into a meditative state, reducing uncontrollable thinking, which can help to decrease anxiety. 

I say Amen to that! 

2024 has been a challenging year so far! Due to mental exhaustion, depression and chronic stress, I came to a full stop. No longer creating, exercising or socializing. Finally, at the end of January my doctor prescribed a leave of absence from work. Despite still being on leave, I am grateful that I need not be concerned about finances as I qualified for disability. One less thing to worry about! Thank you God! 

On the other hand, I continue to experience many physical issues which require advocating for myself, doctors’ visits, diagnostic tests and treatments. It’s a full-time job! I am having a difficult time letting go of the “push through it” mindset that used to serve me and getting the rest my body so desperately needs. 

Prayerfully and intentionally, I am shifting my mindset to “press on in faith” instead. - It is still a work in progress - as recently as yesterday, I found myself pushing through yet another migraine instead of closing my eyes and resting. Today, I am at a crossroad and find myself worrying about what I should be praying - do I ask for a complete healing or do I accept these chronic migraines as the “thorn in my flesh” that keeps me close to God and relying on Him. As I write this, I am reminded that either way, I need to rest my weary head in God’s hands and leave the results/outcome to Him. 

For the past few weeks, I have been studying the Psalms, particularly those that declare that God is my refuge. My favorite Psalm is Psalm 91. This Psalm describes God’s protection and promises in the face of life’s challenges. He doesn’t promise an easy life with no pain or discouragement; rather he offers help - to walk with me - to comfort me - to calm my anxious thoughts and quiet my fears as I learn to live and rest in His protection and unfailing love - as I learn to trust and obey according to his ways. 

It is no coincidence that on the same day that I finished studying the psalms about God being my refuge I came across a podcast about God’s love as a refuge. God is so faithful - I can always count on him to connect the dots between my life and His word. In this podcast (July 10, 2024) Stasi and John Eldredge explain why seeking refuge in God’s love is essential. Once again God honored my longings and desires while deepening my understanding of His love and what it means to take refuge in His love. 

Loving One Another: 1 John 4:7-8; 15-17 7 Dear friends, let us continue to love one another, for love comes from God. Anyone who loves is a child of God and knows God. 8 But anyone who does not love does not know God, for God is love. 15 All who declare that Jesus is the Son of God have God living in them, and they live in God. 16 We know how much God loves us, and we have put our trust in his love. God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them. 17 And as we live in God, our love grows more perfect. So we will not be afraid on the day of judgment, but we can face him with confidence because we live like Jesus here in this world. 

Over the past 20 years I have learned and come to understand that Satan uses our humanity to shake up our love and righteousness in God. He has used pain, depression, anxiety, fear, hurt, loss, discouragement, heartache, disappointment, and grief to separate me from the love of God - and in my brokenness, there are times when I have succumbed to his tactics instead of surrendering to God wholeheartedly. 

So from this day forward (as recommended by my therapist), when chronic pain strikes I will choose to; 

Sit with the pain. 

Be with the pain. 

Invite God into the pain. 

Be still and check in on what feelings I am experiencing. 

Acknowledge my feelings then release them to God. 

As I begin to experience relief, I will ask God for complete healing and a fresh revelation of the triggers and attitudes that impact my chronic migraines. 

This practice is a worthwhile lesson in humility - I already have the solution! Instead of trying to run away from my pain and wish my problems away, I can pray for humility! Humility will heal the pain. Humility will take me out of myself. Humility, that strength granted to me by that "power greater than myself," is mine for the asking! Humility will bring balance back into my life. Humility will allow me to accept my humanness joyously (taken from a daily reflection from A.A).

So, this morning, when I woke up with a migraine I practiced the steps outlined above and it turns out I was feeling apprehensive, which is another of 100 synonyms for fear. Rather than judge or criticize myself aka beat myself up for being weak, weary and useless, I listened to daily encouragement from Joyce Meyer. And guess what? The words she prayed were exactly what my weary heart needed to receive because resting and taking care of myself is hard for me. Yet as I write this, this is what God is revealing in the present moment. May it bless you as it blesses me.

You are a child of God, you are valuable to God’s kingdom purposes! You are loved, you are safe, you are forgiven for all of your sins and weaknesses. 

May you remember and recognize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you (1 Corinthians 6:19). You are a living stone ( the root meaning of my name is “stone” - “building material”) that God is building into his spiritual temple (1 Peter 2:5). 

You are weary because you rely on yourself to get things done. Instead, Come to me and I will give you rest (Matthew 11:28). Rather than being worn out, may you get the right amount of rest, sleep, laughter and enjoyment (the last two I am enjoying more easily since reconciling with my younger self). All this will be added on to you as you choose to seek me first and live righteously (Matthew 6:33). 

As you invest in yourself and confidently step out in faith, let go of the path you are on, trust and obey, you will abound in joy (part of my scripture verse for 2024 is Psalm 28:7b He helps me, and my heart is filled with joy) because you will be serving the desires of your heart - the desires of God’s heart for you (Psalm 37:4). 

I have been writing creatively for a decade, sometimes it ends up as a blog, like this, other times, it is a message I share at recovery meetings, often it is captured in my journaling and recently it is being transformed into my personal prayers to the Lord. 

Surely, by now you are asking yourself what any of this may have to do with working with Lego Blocks… 

Due to repetitive strain injury in my hands, I have had to set aside knitting and sewing. And for the longest time I had little motivation to create anything. Until one day, the nostalgia of my childhood grabbed my heart - I used to love building houses out of lego from the base plate up. After witnessing my husband’s calm demeanor following lego play I considered giving it a go. Perhaps this would be the way I would fulfill one of my dreams of building a Christmas Village - only I could display it all year round as it would feature all four seasons and as the grandkids get older they may like to demolish and rebuild one for themselves (we bought our granddaughter megablocks for her 2nd birthday and the next time we visited her dad had added 250 more blocks - we are confident that lego play will remain part of her activities 🙂). 

Every step of lego play whether it be sorting and organizing (spiritual gift 🙂), following step by step instructions or completing a set is very satisfying. I am in awe at the level of detail and creativity in each set - It reminds me of how much more majestic God's creation is after all He is the Creator and we are his masterpieces. I also appreciate how simple it is to follow step by step instructions and how quickly I notice I have gone off course when I have skipped a page or skipped ahead solely based on what I imagine the next build should look like 🙂. The latter brought me fresh revelation about the importance of reading and understanding the bible - basic instructions for life. And how much simpler my life would be if only I chose to follow its instructions step by step.

In the evening, when I review my daily attitudes I ask myself have I experienced more peace of mind? And I pray that God may protect me, and grant me serenity for the things I cannot change, courage for the things I can change and the wisdom to know the difference. I pray that I may go forward tomorrow unafraid and in humility recognizing that apart from God, I can do nothing.

Chantale

Child of God, Open and willing to love and be loved because God has redeemed me.