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The book of Proverbs is a wealth of knowledge and wisdom. It
offers practical and biblical instructions to help us through the issues of
life.
Proverbs 4 wisely instructs us to guard our hearts, control
our speech, shield our sight and guide our steps;
Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your
life.
Avoid all perverse talk; stay away from corrupt speech.
Look straight ahead, and fix your eyes on what lies before you.
Mark out a straight path for your feet; stay on the safe path.
Don’t get sidetracked; keep your feet from following evil.
My heart is the source of my life, it determines what I say,
what I watch, where I go or what I do. My heart is where my soul dwells– my
thought life, my emotions, and the beliefs that motivate me and mold me. While
one would assume that as the source of my life, my heart is in control, that
has not been the case – it was at the mercy of my thought life which was built
on self-limiting beliefs and lies that were ingrained in my subconscious from a
young age. I was running on auto-pilot
rejecting everything that did not align with what I believed – Because I
believed that I was unworthy of love, my heart rejected any experience that
looked remotely like love including self-love.
Subconsciously, I made choices that sustained that belief – I
sought out everyone’s approval. I focused on performance which led to
perfectionism and people pleasing. I believed that if I was in control and
independent no one could hurt me and everyone would love and accept me. Because
I was driven by tasks instead of relationships, I often came across as uncaring
and aggressive. Yet I hung on to the belief that I could know peace and avoid
conflict. Instead I had no peace only self-imposed obligations, and a critical
attitude followed by doubt for not being good enough! My need for self-reliance
and control grew to the point where worry and anxiety consumed me – I needed to
figure things out – determine the outcome – anticipate how others would respond
– it was the only way to feel safe and accepted! I became preoccupied with
following through on every thought that entered my mind which triggered other
thoughts and before I knew it – I was in a downward spiral of stinking thinking
– none of it real or truth – yet every bit as emotionally exhausting as if I
had lived it!
Finally, after many trials I am learning to manage my
thought life (I don’t expect to undo in a day what took over 40 years to build).
I will share some practical tools in my next post.
In the meantime, I leave you to meditate and pray on 2
Corinthians 10:5 – “Take captive every thought and make it obedient to Christ.”
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